armyofsnails: (Simpsons)
An amusing random Thursday night. With friend S at a friend's comedy gig near Vauxhall. We arrive early and are told to wait downstairs until "the place is a bit more full", but half an hour later we remain the only two people in the audience, versus two presenters - my friend being one of them - and four comedians!

So the first thing we know, the obligatory "engage with the audience" thing happens. The presenter asks S to describe her day. She goes, "I pootled around the house naked, read the Daily Mail and bought two kilogams of frozen octopi" (on the scale of weirdness this is quite low for her, by the way). This amazes all the four performers so much that they just can't leave her alone. So every one of them starts and ends their stand-up with clumsy jokes about either the Daily Mail or the goddamned octopi (which are happily unfreezing in a bowl of cold water).

Despite the high cephalopod content, two out of four acts were actually very good; one chap was talking about becoming a father at 17 (poignant but funny), and one fat half-Korean, half-Swedish guy delivered a monologue about pissing himself and spotted that I had a "funny face", meaning I was also mixed race. He didn't spot S's mixed race background though. I didn't elaborate on mine, because explaining why I look the way I do would have taken longer than the whole duration of his performance.

We forgot to pay the £2 entry fee, but when the performance ended and I offered the money to the friend, he refused and bought me a drink instead. Score.

Somewhat jittery today due to coffee and a looming deadline... Nothing to do with all the wine I drank last night, I swear...
armyofsnails: (PVC)
Visiting my friend S and her fiance's new flat. "So, this is our kitchen. Did you say you wanted some coffee? Here we go, top drawer, this is where we keep our coffee and sugar, as well as our anal lube, condom dispenser, remote controlled G-spot stimulator and a selection of cock rings..."
armyofsnails: (Gina)
Aaah weirdness.

Out pubbing with colleagues on Friday. Knocked a chair on the floor twice. Was showing everybody my article. After the eighth round of Honey Dew I lost count. Then Earls Court and a South African guy who believed himself to be a reincarnation of a dead Russian soldier. Stella didn't like him so I had to dispose of him. Then I stayed up until 6am talking to her. Saturday went on a weird tour organised by a friend of hers, a ginger poet called Richard. He wrote the word "poo" on the hands of every person at the tour and made them chant the word "anal" loudly (a part of a phrase from a horror film, apparently). Two guys dressed as gremlins, one drinking rose wine and the other attempting to light a cigarette. Then ended up in Fulham in the house of one of the strangest men I've ever met. He has lizards living in his toilet cistern and a swing in his upstairs room. A balcony with a wooden skeleton, an artificial fountain and a view across London. His library is at ceiling level and to reach it you have to walk on a folded down plank of timber. He has genuine uniforms of First World War nurses in his wardrobe and I got to try the coat from one of them.

Curiouser and curiouser...
armyofsnails: (Gina)
Last night at S's exhibition opening in Chelsea:

On the way to the gallery I bumped into Boris Johnson outside the South Kensington station (see my previous entry about him here). I heard a tramp shout, "Oy, Boris, so what about drinking on the tube, ye bastard??" then as I turned around the Blond Master walked straight into me. I started laughing and he grimaced, ran his hand through his famous straw hairdo and walked away.

Later on that evening an extremely drunk guy who works in tracking (whatever the hell that is) tried to chat me up by talking about my leg. I laughed so much I almost pissed myself. I kept calling him "tie boy" all night and pulling on his tie while he was enthusing about the aesthetic qualities of my leg and the pleasing shape of my jeans! Then two old artists wearing black threatened to kidnap my friend S, and I had to rescue her from them! They were like characters from a Fellini film except creepier.

Life just gets curiouser and curiouser.

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