Jerusalem Old City is full of tiny shops belonging to the four quarters (Muslim, Christian, Jewish and Armenian) and has arguably the highest concentration of hapless tourists per square metre in the entirety of Eurasia. That's not to say I'm
any different. Except that unlike most tourists I don't have a map, naively relying on my two companions who are ex-Israelites to show me the way. And of course we get lost.
We go down yet another labyrinthine alleyway peppered with emaciated cats and loud salesmen looming in doorways. One of the latter is eyeing up my lady companion as we are walking by. He has a greasy hairdo and an impressive pot belly for someone of his build. Without further ado the salesman makes his move, "Hello beautiful. Do you need husband? I have very nice cock."
My second companion - the actual
husband - responds, "Thanks for the offer but but she already has one." We turn into yet another tiny passage leading from nowhere to nowhere. After a quarter of an hour of strange meanderings we somehow find ourselves back in the same alley with the same salesman shaking his formidable stomach at the passers by.
The salesman recognises us, looks confused for a moment but quickly recovers. He folds his hands into fists and turns towards my friend, jumping up and down like a cartoon boxer, "Do you want to fight with me? Duel, yes? Fight, yes?"
"Go fuck yourself," my friend suggests laconically. He drags his lady and me away as I attempt to take a picture of the scene (and fail). The shouts, "You think you strong man! You think you strong! I defeat you! Fight, yes! Fight with me! Duel, yes! I have very nice cock!" etc. are heard in the distance for quite some time.( and not just that... )