armyofsnails: (Japanese)
Charity auction for the Albert Kennedy Trust to coincide with the National Coming Out Day yesterday.


So [ profile] didlix bought the bra of one of the performers at the charity auction last night and had a topless kiss from her onstage. Now they're meeting for lunch!

The most amusing thing has got to be the very last performer. Unlike most others she does a full strip-tease. A stunning looking woman, long dark hair, full figured. The presenter goes, "You are twenty-one today, this means I will have to administer twenty-one spanks to your bottom!" and goes ahead and bends her over his knee, arse towards the audience. The latter counts loudly, "One... two... three... ... Twenty... twenty-one!" Then the girl stands up and delivers a speech of thanks to everyone who has made this event happen, quite emotional. Then she goes, "And special thank you to my mother and mother-in-law who are both in the audience tonight!" Everyone turns around and the two aforementioned ladies are sitting right behind me, grinning.

Now, if I were a parent I would love to be cool enough to watch my daughter strip on stage in front of a hundred people and get spanked for charity! Would you?
armyofsnails: (love is blind)
Goldie Looking Chain at Dingwalls last night - fun, but a total overdose of white middle class youngsters in torn up clothing. The warm up band played a song about the lead singer's 21-year-old ex-girlfriend. That made me feel old.

A girl was dancing with a hula hoop in front of the stage. Lithe, slim, in a tattered short skirt and stripy stockings and with dirty dreadlocks. She was incredible. Not just good looking but also fantastically proficient at the hula hoop gymnastics. Arms, legs, dreads, everything was flying up and around in all directions. She did drop the hoop once or twice but picked it up immediately with her feet.

I've been doing my fair share of ogling pretty women lately. Two bellydancers at Bouga's last Friday, totally unexpected - my guess is, it was probably to do with the Iranian New Year. One shook her booty in my face and almost bullied me into dancing with her... her stomach was like ripples on water.
armyofsnails: (snail boob)
Antony Gormley's One and Other a.k.a. To Become The Fourth Plinth

I would chop off two of my fingers for the opportunity. Then find a way of incorporating them into my hour of public idiocy fame.

Oh, and naturally, champagne and oysters for any supporters.

Needless to say, have applied and am anxiously awaiting.
armyofsnails: (Simpsons)
Mr Knoxwalker!

I have plans for you. They involve some measurement and pinching. What of? You'll find out soon enough.
armyofsnails: (Japanese)
I'm sitting in the office during lunch break reading articles on Wikipedia on gluteal and quadriceps muscles (otherwise known as arse and legs).

It's all about the waist : hip ratio in a male body.

Also contemplating which item of fetish clothing to purchase for Valentine's.

....God I need help.

(awaits further neutering threats from [ profile] wknoxwalker)


armyofsnails: (Default)

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