armyofsnails: (time snail)
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I was talking to A over e-mail (he is away at the moment). In response to my previous LJ entry, he said, "It is interesting how you talk about the distance and what emotions it may or may not afford you or entitle you to. However, I feel the truth is closer to when a person we know, even admire, for whatever reason, however distantly dies, it hurts, and everyone's processing of that hurt is so personal - there are few rules governing who has what rights and where."

But it's not about that. When I talk about not being entitled to emotion it's largely influenced by what I hear coming from people in situations like this. I looked at V's Facebook this morning, and it was inundated with messages of "Why?" "We love you" "You were beautiful" from people in a public display of grief, as if they were pretending that Facebook had the power to communicate with the dead. And I felt a little weird because of this. This entitlement to grief is quite the phenomenon, not just because of how easy social networks make it, but in general, in humans. And it seems to offend those who are close to the person; in this case, one of my friends said simply that "We appear to be able to love others only in death". i.e. only feel the void they leave when they are gone. It's especially poignant with suicides by people who may have done it for reasons of loneliness and alienation.

So as a one step removed person I don't feel entitled to grief. Though I feel it, still... I feel very, very sad for everyone I know who loved him and who is in pain right now.

Here it is. So weird reading it now.

(Original entry posted in 2001 - about the fictional version of V - and Tom Waits...)

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Date: 2015-02-26 06:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
A is a very wise man you know. I wish we could talk. And that feeling that you share I guess is just one of the first milestones of grief and now you wrote your post, I wrote mine in fb, not public posts but it's not what matters.
I had that same feeling yesterday. And in the morning I was glad to see so many people saying kind words about him and their goodbyes. It was comforting somehow and I think I am a bit ahead of you in the grieving path ( I'm just moving fast I always do). I feel responsible of course ( though I know it's bollocks) . I didn't write to him from my last visit to n-sk because I was sure he is in peace with himself and that I'll know from his posts if something goes wrong and I will visit again that year and we'll talk. And now more then anything I want to talk to him, to ask if he would like to come back, and if he is not, I want to say good-by, I want to say my "so it goes"
Edited Date: 2015-02-26 07:01 pm (UTC)

Date: 2015-02-26 10:11 pm (UTC)

Date: 2015-02-26 11:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I wish we could talk too! Although I'm not sure what to say, right now. Except that I'm grateful for some people, some connections in my life, of whom you are one. And always will be.

Date: 2015-02-27 10:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
me too

Date: 2015-02-27 11:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
One more thing I think you don't know about this comment he wrote - it was demon talking. In 2006 V. was ill for some time, he wasn't himself. Actually he didn't remember those insults afterwards, nor done nor taken.

Date: 2015-02-27 08:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks, back then I didn't take any offence anyway, I actually thought he was being fair. And now it doesn't matter...

Date: 2016-02-02 01:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
February 1, 2016
Tomorrow is your birthday so Happy Birthday!-hope all is well-miss your diary entries-peace Jonny

Date: 2016-02-13 08:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Wow, thank you! It's been so many years, glad you still visit this place from time to time. Hope you are doing well.


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